Family Fundamentals: Help new parents feel more confident in selves (June 2012)
6/18/2012
My son and daughter-in-law are
expecting their first baby. They seem to be focusing on preparing the nursery
and stocking up on baby clothes, but I’m concerned they don’t seem to
appreciate what it takes to be a good parent. How can I help them prepare for
parenting?
First, congratulations on the
upcoming addition to your family. As you probably already know, this can be
both an exciting and a stressful time for new parents -- and even for their
friends and family.
Second, you should realize that
your son and daughter-in-law may be gathering more information about parenting
than you know. They might find it easier to talk about the nursery and similar
preparations for the new baby, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also doing
other types of homework.
Still, if you think it would help,
you can always direct them to free parenting resources that are readily
available online through our land-grant universities’ Cooperative Extension
System. One such resource is called “Just In Time Parenting.” This series of 39
newsletters covers parenting from the very first trimester of pregnancy through
the child’s fifth birthday. The series is available in both English and Spanish
and can be downloaded from the eXtension (pronounced e-Extension) website at
http://www.extension.org/parenting (click on “Parenting eNewsletters). Or,
parents can sign up for a free subscription, and each issue will be emailed to
them at the appropriate time in their child’s development.
It’s also important to realize
that putting pressure on new parents or questioning their parenting skills can
quickly become counterproductive. In fact, a recent study from Ohio State
University showed that new moms tended to have less confidence in their
parenting skills if they were more worried about what others thought about
their parenting skills. Similarly, new dads felt more stress if they had those
concerns.
The study surveyed 182 couples
during the last trimester of pregnancy and again when their children were 3
months, 6 months and 9 months old. The scientists noted that how parents feel
about their skills could have far-reaching repercussions: Previous research
linked lower confidence in parenting skills, higher stress related to
parenting, and a low level of satisfaction regarding parenting with
lower-quality parenting and with children who have more behavior problems.
Interestingly, parents who didn’t
feel as much outside pressure to be “perfect” parents but put such pressure on
themselves tended to feel better about their parenting skills. That was
especially true for fathers.
Keep these findings in mind when
you talk with the soon-to-be parents. Try to help them realize that it’s not
what everyone else thinks of their parenting skills -- it’s what they think that
counts.
Family Fundamentals is a monthly
column on family issues. It is a service of Ohio State University Extension and
the Ohio Agricultural Research and Development Center. Send questions to Family
Fundamentals, c/o Martha Filipic, 2021 Coffey Road, Columbus, OH 43210-1044, or
filipic.3@osu.edu.
Dear Subscriber: This column was
reviewed by Kara Newby, family life program coordinator for Ohio State
University Extension in Ohio State’s College of Education and Human Ecology.
Writers
Martha Filipic
614-292-9833
filipic.3@osu.edu
Sources
Kara Newby
OSU Extension, Family Life
Writer:
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